I. Just. Can’t. Even… My Head. It Hurts.
Oh, Evolve #ispy #ifound #evolve #evolution #instagenius (Taken with instagram)
**10 Myths About Evolution**
1 If Humans Came From Apes, Why Aren’t Apes Evolving Into Humans?
Humans, apes, and monkeys are only distant evolutionary “cousins.” We come not from apes but from a common ancestor that was neither ape nor human that lived millions of years in the past. In fact, during the last seven million years many human-like species have evolved; some examples include Homo habilis, Homo erectus, and Homo neanderthalensis. All of these went extinct at different times, leaving just us to share the planet with a handful of other primates.
2 There Are Too Many Gaps in the Fossil Record for Evolution to Be True
In fact, there are lots of intermediate fossils. Archaeopteryx, for example, is one of the earliest known fossil birds with a reptilian skeleton and feathers. There is now evidence that some dinosaurs had hair and feathers. Therapsids are the intermediates between reptiles and mammals, Tiktaalik is an extinct lobe-finned fish intermediate to amphibians, there are now at least six intermediate fossil stages in the evolution of whales, and in human evolution there are at least a dozen intermediate fossil stages since hominids branched off from the great apes six million years ago. Considering the exceptionally low probability that a dead plant or animal will fossilize it is remarkable we have as many fossils as we do. First the dead animal has to escape the jaws of scavengers. Then is has to be buried under the rare circumstances that will cause it to fossilize instead of decay. Then geological forces have to somehow bring the fossil back to the surface to be discovered millions of years later by the handful of paleontologists looking for them
3 If Evolution Happened Gradually Over Millions of Years Why Doesn’t the Fossil Record Show Gradual Change?
Sudden changes in the fossil record are not missing evidence of gradualism; they are extant evidence of punctuation. Species are stable over long periods of time and so they leave plenty of fossils in the strata while in their stable state. The change from one species to another, however, happens relatively quickly (on a geological time scale) in a process called punctuated equilibrium. One species can give rise to a new species when a small “founder” group breaks away and becomes isolated from the ancestral group. This new founder group, as long as it remains small and detached, may experience relatively rapid change (large populations are genetically stable). The speciational change happens so rapidly that few fossils are left to record it. But once changed into a new species, the individuals will retain their phenotype for a long time, leaving behind many well-preserved fossils. Millions of years later this process results in a fossil record that records mostly stability. The punctuation is there in between the equilibrium.
4 No One Has Ever Seen Evolution Happen
Evolution is a historical science confirmed by the fact that so many independent lines of evidence converge to this single conclusion. Independent sets of data from geology, paleontology, botany, zoology, biogeography, comparative anatomy and physiology, genetics, molecular biology, developmental biology, embryology, population genetics, genome sequencing, and many other sciences each point to the conclusion that life evolved. Creationists demand “just one fossil transitional form” that shows evolution. But evolution is not proved through a single fossil. It is proved through a convergence of fossils, along with a convergence of genetic comparisons between species, and a convergence of anatomical and physiological comparisons between species, and many other lines of inquiry. (In fact we can see evolution happen—especially among organisms with short reproductive cycles that are subject to extreme environmental pressures. Knowledge of the evolution of viruses and bacteria is vital to medical science.)
5 Science Claims That Evolution Happens by Random Chance
Natural selection is not “random” nor does it operate by “chance.” Natural selection preserves the gains and eradicates the mistakes. To illustrate this, imagine a monkey at a typewriter. In order for the monkey to type the first 13 letters of Hamlet’s soliloquy by chance, it would take 26 (to the 13th power) number of trials for success. This is 16 times as great as the total number of seconds that have elapsed in the lifetime of the solar system. But if each correct letter is preserved and each incorrect letter eradicated, the phrase “tobeornottobe” can be “selected for” in only 335 trials, or just seconds in a computer program. Richard Dawkins defines evolution as “random mutation plus nonrandom cumulative selection.” It is the cumulative selection that drives evolution. The eye evolved from a single, light sensitive spot in a cell into the complex eye of today not by chance, but through thousands of intermediate steps, each preserved because they made a better eye. any of these steps still exist in nature in simpler organisms.
6 Only an Intelligent Designer Could Have Made Something as Complex as an Eye
The anatomy of the human eye shows that it is anything but “intelligently designed.” It is built upside down and backwards, with photons of light having to travel through the cornea, lens, aqueous fluid, blood vessels, ganglion cells, amacrine cells, horizontal cells, and bipolar cells, before reaching the light sensitive rods and cones that convert the light signal into neural impulses, which are then sent to the visual cortex at the back of the brain for processing into meaningful patterns. For optimal vision, why would an intelligent designer have built an eye upside down and backwards? This “design” only makes sense if natural selection built eyes from available materials, and in the particular configuration of the ancestral organism’s pre-existing organic structures. The eye shows the pathways of evolutionary history, not intelligent design.
7 Evolution is Only A Theory
All branches of science are based on theories, which are grounded in testable hypothesis and explain a large and diverse body of facts about the world. A theory is considered robust if it consistently predicts new phenomena that are subsequently observed. Facts are the world’s data. Theories are explanatory ideas about those data. Constructs and other non-testable statements are not a part of science. The theory of evolution meets all the criteria of good science, as determined by Judge William Overton in the Arkansas creationism trial:
• It is guided by natural law.
• It has to be explanatory by reference to natural law.
• It is testable against the empirical world.
• Its conclusions are tentative.
• It is testable and falsifiable.
If you can find fossil mammals in the same geological strata as trilobites then evolution would be falsified. No one has ever found such contradictory data.
8 Evidence for Human Evolution Has Turned Out to Be Fake, Frauds, or Fanciful
Eager to discredit evolution, creationists ignore hominid fossil discoveries and cherry pick examples of hoaxes and mistakes in the belief that mistakes in science are a sign of weakness. This is a gross misunderstanding of the nature of science, which constantly advances by using both its mistakes and the successes. Its ability to build cumulatively on the past is how science progresses. The self-correcting feature of the scientific method is one of its most powerful assets. Hoaxes like Piltdown Man, and honest mistakes like Nebraska Man, Calaveras Man, and Hespero-pithecus, are, in time, corrected. In fact, it wasn’t creationists who exposed these errors, it was scientists who did so. Creationists simply read about the scientific exposé of these errors, and then duplicitously claimed them as their own.
9 The Second Law of Thermodynamics Proves That Evolution is Impossible
The Second Law of Thermodynamics applies to closed, isolated systems. Since the Earth receives a constant input of energy from the sun—it is an open-dissipative system—entropy may decrease and order increase (though the sun itself is running down in the process). Thus, the Earth is not strictly a closed system and life may evolve without violating natural law. As long as the sun is burning, life may continue thriving and evolving, just like automobiles may be prevented from rusting, burgers can be heated in ovens, and all manner of things in apparent violation of Second Law entropy may continue. But as soon as the sun burns out, entropy will take its course and life on Earth will cease.
10 Evolution Can’t Account For Morality
As a social primate species we evolved a deep sense of right and wrong in order to accentuate and reward reciprocity and cooperation, and to attenuate and punish excessive selfishness and free riding. As well, evolution created the moral emotions that tell us that lying, adultery, and stealing are wrong because they destroy trust in human relationships that depend on truth-telling, fidelity, and respect for property. It would not be possible for a social primate species to survive without some moral sense. On the constitution of human nature is built the constitutions of human societies.
Man, I wish I’d never found that goddamn lamp (1). Stupid fucking genie (2). I just had to blurt it out, didn’t I? “I wish I were immortal!” Half the time they can’t even make you immortal, but Sim Allah Bim of the Seven Winds (3) just snapped his fingers and said “It is done.” Damn, was I stoked. I don’t even remember what my other two wishes were. Doesn’t make a damn bit of difference now.
Oh, it was awesome for a while. I was all jumping off buildings (4) and shit, getting shot and electrocuted (5), eating glass, the whole extreme sports (6) gambit… I did it all. Nothing could kill me! Then all my friends and family started dying. That really sucked for a while. I made new friends, but they died, too. After six or seven times through with that, I figured friends weren’t really worth it. I lived like a fucking hermit (7). Pfft… how long did that last? Two, three thousand years? Four, tops. Yeah, I started talking to people again. Made new friends. They died, too, but I was over it by then.
Mankind (8) did some really amazing shit (9) over the next couple hundred million years. That was awesome to see (10) too, at first. I went to all sorts of planets, watched them move stars (11) and build dyson spheres (12), they even cured themselves of all known disease and started living longer. It was soooo nice to have some friends that didn’t just die after a hundred years or so.
But then they started evolving (13). People were turning into pure energy (14) left and right. I couldn’t do awesome shit like that, stuck in my immortal body. So I made my way back to Earth (15) to see how they were doing there, but it turned out to be long since abandoned. So I was stranded on this worthless rock (16) I’d seen a million times over with nothing to do. Yeah, the planet had changed quite a bit since I’d last been there, but I still wasn’t occupied for more than a million years or so. After that it was boring as hell. I remember once I just sat on the edge of a cliff and waited for whatever continent I was on to drift (17) into another one. Jeez.
But it seemed to keep getting hotter. Now, my immortal ass can stand any temperature you could throw at it, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t uncomfortable. Shit, it was hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock (18). Pretty soon, the oceans were boiling. Now that is a sight to see. I even went swimming in it. Real smart, you fucking genius (19). I lost track of time, and before I knew it, the oceans were fucking gone and I was sitting at the bottom. Everywhere I went trying to get back up, BAM! continental shelf (20). Took me a thousand years to find a way back up. The whole thing was desert by that time anyway.
Then there was this galaxy (21) that was fucking huge in the sky. It got so big, it took up the whole damn sky. After a while, you couldn’t tell its stars from the normal ones. Then all the stars, new and old, started moving around in all these weird patterns. It was some show, let me tell you. Most interesting thing I’d seen in a while. But just as it was getting good, the goddamn sun exploded (22).
Now, the sun exploding itself was an even cooler sight than all those extra stars. It got really damn big. Hotter than hell, but worth it. And then BANG! Fucker started exploding. It kept going off for probably a billion years. It was awesome at first, but, shit… give it enough time and anything is boring (23). By the time it was done it was like night all the time and the sun wasn’t all that much brighter than the other stars in the sky. Not to mention that it was cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey now.
So I waited. And waited. I memorized the stars and came up with names for all of them. And I waited. It was so fucking cold, I didn’t move around that much. I couldn’t even tell you how long it was, cause it was too damn cold to think. Shit, how I waited.
But then the damnedest thing happened. There was this huge, deafening roar. The sky was on fire. It started getting hot again. The wind got stronger and stronger until I was flying. Then came the loudest fucking sound I’ve ever heard in my life, and I found myself flying up and away from the Earth itself. When I finally got far enough away, I figured it out. Must have been an asteroid or something. Big fucker (24), though, there was a sizeable chunk of planet missing; a lot of it was still glowing red hot.
Now let me tell you, I thought it was cold on solid ground with no sun, but that was nothing. Empty space is fucking cold. (25) That and not being able to breath… damn, that was an unpleasant time. I drifted away from what was left of the solar system. After I while I could see the giant cloud of shit (26) left over from when the sun exploded. But then I just kept going. Man, it was a long time. Trillions of years, probably.
I landed on planets or even in stars from time to time. If I was on a planet, I was never there more than a billion years or so before another fucking asteroid came and threw me off of it. When I landed in stars (27) (hotter than fuck), I just had to wait until it exploded and sent me off in some other direction. It really sucked.
But eventually I drifted out of the galaxy altogether. Of course it was nothing like that big pinwheel they told us it was in junior high. Just a big irregular blob. Just drifting and drifting, still couldn’t breath. I passed other galaxies. Even from where I was, I could see stars exploding in the close ones. That was cool for a while. But I guess they were all running out of stars or something, the galaxies kept getting dimmer.
About the time the last galaxies were going out, I started to feel like I was going faster. A definite sensation of acceleration. I started spinning around. I don’t know around what (28), but I could tell I was spinning from the few galaxies left out. I started to feel like I was stretching out, too. And then I couldn’t see anything at all (29). Not too long after that I just felt crushed and stopped moving. Just saying that doesn’t do it justice. I couldn’t even move myself anymore. I felt like someone had crammed me inside a fucking shoebox (30) or something.
This went on for a long fucking time (31). And I just kept feeling smaller and smaller and smaller. When suddenly I was free (32). Well, I wasn’t being crushed anymore. But I still couldn’t move and still felt tiny as fuck (33). And I still couldn’t see anything.
But that’s where it ended (34). Nothing has happened since then. Nothing. And that was a really fucking long time ago (35). I’ve already rethought every thought I ever had a googol (36) times. That’s not even an exaggeration, I counted. Yeah, I counted to a googol. That’s how long I’ve been out here.
Man, this fucking sucks. Immortality blows (37).
~Santo (38), SciFiQuest 2107 (39)
Provide proof of evolution (even in car magnets) with these “jesus fish” feet.
Great as a holiday gift to an atheist or as a gag to a hardcore Christian. Also makes a fun weekend activity in any parking lot: jesus fish conversion!*
Fits precisely under most Jesus fish and affixes quickly and securely with a magnet.
*The Arrogant Atheist does not assume responsibility of customer usage of this product. Unless those actions are completely lawful and super fun. In which case, you’re welcome.